Reflections after my retreat (and after a really intense day!):
I live in a world which isn’t safe.
I need to learn to reconcile myself with that.
That is where I will find strength and life.
I can’t fix things.
Things can’t be fixed.
People are broken. We sin.
That isn’t going to change. People are always going to make mistakes, or be bad; let you down; wilfully blind themselves. I can’t get away from that; I can’t be ‘safe’, when ‘safe’ is understood to be ‘free from risk of damage’.
But there is forgiveness; there is restoration; there is redemption. There is love.
Love that makes no sense at all. Love that is a total miscarriage of justice. Love that ignores the rules and upsets apple-carts and tears down the curtain in the temple.
I can, however, be safe in my wholeness. I can love. I can learn to love. I can love and be the me within. I can recognise truth when I see it; I can refuse to accept untruth. I can rest in the silence, I can rest in God. I can make peace; I can be peace; I can give and share peace. And I can hold peace and love inside – take some, just for me, and hog it, holding onto it because there’s enough; because it is abundant rather than scarce; because my having it increases supply; because I need it and that’s a good enough reason.
A wise person told me that to know the truth of redemption isn’t something one can think, it can only be discovered.
Is it that in letting go we are held most safely?